Couples Therapy

Solving Relationship Problems requires Work.

The most effective way to handle your relationship problem is to be in couple therapy.

The relationship problem between you is CO-CREATED; it’s never entirely one person’s responsibility.

In fact, you co-created a unique interactive pattern with your partner because your partner’s response triggers your reaction, and your partner’s response is re-triggered by your reaction – it forms a feedback loop that goes back and forth. You are not here to only change your partner but also to change yourself.

When I work with couples, I primarily use the Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) modality to help couples with a relationship problem. There are other scientific modalities out there that focus more on psychoeducation or skills building. I also have training in using those modalities to work with couples, but they can only improve your relationship to a certain degree.

In my 13 years of practice, I find that EFT goes directly to the heart of the matter because it focuses not only on what you should say or do, but also on what’s getting in your way of saying or doing those things, which are your EMOTIONS.

Couples usually come to therapy for what they define as “communication problems.” Over time, you eventually will realize you do have sufficient communication skills. Still, your EMOTIONS are getting in the way of communication – you don’t say what you need to say because you don’t feel safe, and you can’t be vulnerable.

EFT is a Proven Approach for Couples Therapy.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is an evidence-based, empirically supported treatment modality based on attachment theory, focusing on understanding your interactive cycle, insecurity, unmet needs, healing historical wounds in this relationship, and deepening the couple’s emotional experience with each other.

EFT is scientifically proven to effectively work with couples from different cultural backgrounds and sexual orientations and partners with traumatic experiences.

During our treatment process, I focus on tracking your interactive cycle (usually driven by insecurity, such as fear or shame) and help both of you identify when you are “triggered,” how you interact with your partner, and how both of you co-create a maladaptive cycle and see more clearly how your response shapes the other person’s reaction, and how the other person’s reaction reinforces your response.

I also focus on helping you “access” and “experience” deeper emotions hidden underneath your anger, frustration, and defensiveness. These vulnerable emotions are unavailable when you are highly defensive and reactive – you don’t feel safe.

Once deeper emotions are processed and experienced in the session, you usually feel much closer to each other because you no longer feel driven by emotional reactivity and defensiveness. I also help both of you identify unmet attachment needs and help partners understand more about what you need from your partner and what your partner needs from you to feel safe and connected.

Couples Therapy helps make you Emotionally Connected.

Addressing relationship problems helps deal with issues before they create a significant disconnection.

EFT provides a practical approach to couples therapy. Contact me today for more information on how we can work together to strengthen your relationship as a couple.